There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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