i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
