We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
