Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i out mim tonsoeep
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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