Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
