It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
