I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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