So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
