First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
