Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Never underestimate the power of titties
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
