Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
