You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
