just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
