he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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