Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize