their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
