wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
