I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
