So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
