You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He? As in you personified your dick?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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