whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
