Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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