when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
