I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
