Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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