So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
