im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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