allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
