We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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