Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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