Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
