Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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