put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
