What did we do last night that was yellow?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
