he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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