So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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