2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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