I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
