8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
