Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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