can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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