if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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