You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm at about main and main street
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
