i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
