Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He felt like a one man threesome
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
