he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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