I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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