You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
that is very illegal...i love you.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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