I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
