I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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