you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
