I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
