I think im going to throw up on grandma
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
