ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
